Day wasted LOL

Today I woke up at 12 am, slept late last night, and then made my brunch, and sew my dad's cloth. It wasn't as productive as I wanted it to be, but, I still did something today. 

Not gonna lie, I miss sewing, and I reaallyy wanna start dress-making again and create something, but, I guess not this year as I'm packed with my job and also managing things at home.

Later that evening, I went grocery shopping, bought everything except for onion, and I cooked my chicken without it. It tasted good, though. 

Then, I wasted my three hours being online, and did nothing, basically.

Watched tv for thirty minutes.

Oh, I did some reading! And it only lasted ten minutes, but hey, I took some points .

Was trying to read a novel, but then, Dad got home and asked me to do some stuffs, and taught him how to use an app on iPhone. He's still new to this whole touch screen thing, my Dad's so cute.

So, reading a novel was cancelled, lol. 

And here I am, updating a blog, and while I'm at it, I'm definitely gonna watch some vlogs on Youtube and of course, being on Pinterest.

Need to look for some house inspo since I'm making a trip to Ikea tomorrow morning to shop for a bed frame, might as well shop for some other things too, right ?

So, I'm going to enjoy my hot coffee and wasting more time till morning!

xoxo

Day 2 Failed LOL

So, by the title above.. I failed.
Yep. I failed in being consistent updating my blog. To write .

I had to admit I am so busy with tutoring, cleaning the never ending mess in the house, and also tonnes of other things!

But I'm not going to let that busy-ness get in the way because I just love writing and I have so much things to write and to let out!
Imagine, waking up at 3 or 4 am in the morning having lots of ideas or things to say and to write. Sometimes, I feel like my head is about to explode! Or maybe, I'm overthinking things.

Hopefully I'll get used to updating this site again, and not forgetting.. come to think about it again, when I did have time, I forgot that this site exist lol!

Oh well, it's time to put this app on my desktop !

xoxo

Day 1

It's raining outside.
Here I am, stuck in the room, with my laptop on, phone plugged to its charger.
Sitting on an uncomfortable chair I got at the cheap store listening to Muzzamil reciting suratul Yasin and al Waqiah. Trying to find some inner peace in this rainy moment.

I feel lonely. There's a huge space in my heart . Longing for something. I know what it is, but still asking myself what it is.

It's true when Allah wants you to get back on track, He will blow this loneliness inside you.

It's been a while, since I last had my deen moment. The moment when you discovered your Lord. Your creator. The world suddenly became unimportant. What I care was what I'll get in the hereafter.
I was so passionate about my deen, about our prophets, about those who came before us.. About the world before our world..

I'm always curious to know.. I found the answers I was looking for.. I was mesmerized by the Quran, every night I'd do some taddabur. Imagine myself being those who got no lights and guidance from Allah. There were times where I would cry.. cry over my sins. My heart was so soft back then.

But now, it becomes hard again.

I'm lost. Deep down I wanna climb up on the track again, but I keep on falling... the road to Allah's paradise is so slippery.. it's like trying to walk up on a wet, steep tiles.. it's hard.

There are times when I'm already back on track, stable.. like I 'd just walk straight on that slippery tiles and try not to fall, but, no. It was harder than I thought it would be. I FELL.

Again and again and again. I lost it. I lost everything. Everything that was once I hold tight in my heart, now it's slowly disappearing ... I'm suffocating!

The battle I have in my my mind and my heart every single seconds! Trying to fight the demons in me. Trying to be good. Trying to soften my heart with dhikr, but I guess the demons are already taking control .

I would cry for Allah's help. The help is always here but I somehow cannot stretch out my hands to reach it. Then I'd go back to my bad self.

I know the battle is not over, I'll keep telling myself that. I'll keep on fighting and I hope Allah will spare me more times because I'm not not gonna book myself a room in hell .

30 Day Writing Challenge

So I'm back again writing in this space ! How I miss writing! Yesterday while hanging out with my friends and reminiscing the old days (mostly about our high school funniest moments!) we suddenly talked about those days when having a blogpost was a big deal! Yes it was! Everybody had one back then! It was a thing and obviously still is ! I remember writing every single thing that happened to me in here and then reading them all back and smiled to myself! This was my Snapchat, IG stories, back then! (cuz right now people put their daily life on those mediums!)
And how I regretted deleting everything because I was ashame? What was I thinking!

But yeah, I can't undo that, I have to move on from that and create a new memory. I always wanted to write just about everything and anything I could think of! And sometimes, the eagerness to write kind of disappeared . And, sometimes, I don't even know what to write when I;m ready to!
Life is weird .

Lat night, when I was on Pinterest, I came across this tips for those who love to write but often gets demotivated. One of them tips are try to challenge yourself with the 30 Day of Writing! And that is what I'd like to try! Not only it helps you to get back on track, but with the topics it gives you for each day will help you to discover yourself.

I always wanted to find myself cuz right now, I don't feel like I'm being me! I know there's so much potential in me, and I know I am a lot braver, and smarter .

So, hopefully by doing this challenge, I'm gonna be better in writing and also discovering myself, insyaallah!

Rungutan-

Rsa macam nak naik gila bila tiba-tiba peluang untuk kau buat benda yang kau suka terbuka luas dekat depan muka kau tapi kau tak tau nak buat apa dengan peluang tu! Tak tau samada nak ambik ataupun biarkan je macam tu.. 

Kalau aku ambik, akan ada orang yang terluka dengan tindakan aku nanti sebab aku dah janji nak tinggalkan benda yang aku suka tu dan bergerak ke haluan yang baru.... hai.. entahlah.. Apa lah yang sebenarnya Allah dah simpankan untuk aku ? Aku tertanya-tanya jugak... 

Peluang kedua pulak, memang benda yang aku suka jugak.. dapat tawaran untuk buat sepenuh masa.. masalahnya tempat tu sangat jauh dari rumah.. jadi aku cuma boleh boleh buat secara bebas, Tapi aku tetap gembira sebab itu memang benda yang aku nak buat sejak aku habis sekolah lagi. Jadi... au memang teruja!

Hmmm... hidup memang penuh dengan kejutan... 

God is great!

Updates

 As I'm writing this, I just finished a plate of scrambled egg with a barbeque sauce on the side just because I'm hungry .  I was waiting for my sister to come home cuz I ordered some food.. but yeah.. one minute after I'm typing this, she came home and no foods that I wanted! But yeah, she bought a box of ice cream, cookies, and a chocolate spread. So, ice cream sandwich it is!

So, still as I'm typing this, I already had four ice scream sandwiches!

Well, this week is going to be a very busy one because I'm moving out to my new house which I'm so excited about! I cannot wait for furniture shopping and decorating my room! Aaahh , I still remember the last time my whole family had a trip to Ikea and bought a lot of stuffs!

I only have one more month left before I ended my career as a kindergarten teacher, because I'll be taking my CELTA certificate in April . Still deciding whether or not should I work before my class starts or just take some long break so that I can study and work on my vocabulary .

The reason why I started to blog back is because I want to strengthen my writing skill and also fixing whatever is lacking in my writing.

So, till then!

Blue Wall

Had a productive weekends although I didn't use my time to do the tasks I'm supposed to do but to heck all that I'm gonna enjoy my two days off !

So, I went to Tim's Teapot to have tea with my girlfriends yesterday and boy, we talked about life and all ! We discussed a lot about marriage . Both of them are getting married next year insyaAllah . I'm soo happy for them plus my younger sister is also getting married next year too !

Hmm.. guess I'm the forever alone one in the team . LOL ! But I'm working on it , searching for my future man . Hehehe .

Today me and my sister planned to watch Fast and Furious 7 but then all the tickets were sold out ! Hmm.. no luck . Guess we'll go watch tomorrow insyaAllah . 

I've been shopping like crazyy and I must stop myself from doing that again but I'm still dreaming bout the American Apparel tote and those skinny jeans from Marks and Spencer . Will buy those and promise not to touch my red card ever again !

So, tomorrow's Monday and I'm gonna be so stressful again, so I'mma finish this and watch some movie before I sleep . 

BYE.

-ami-

Fashion Post + Sprained Knee

Happy Monday ! I'm not working today cuz my knee hurts and I've diarrhea, so I'm at home trying to finish my sketches and do my laundry .

I thought I got better yesterday, but yeah , it wasn't and I really hope I'm getting better by tomorrow insyaAllah .

So , I planned an outfit the night before, but since I'm not going to work today , here's a post about what I'll (or supposed to) wear .

I chose blue cuz I often feels the monday blues LOL! Nah, just kidding . Here I'm pairing my oversize sweater and my boyfriend jeans with my latest purchase which is the Celine inspired slip ons . Gosh , I've been looking for these since last year, and finally got it last month. Was window shopping with my sister and then found this and bought it !

And for a bag, I love my bagpack, it's an inspired old version of the MCM bag . I got this looonggg time ago when I was desperately want the MCM bag. I couldn't afford to buy the original one since I was still studying back then . The bag is perfect and I love it !

I love bagpack! I'm getting my hands on the Phillip Lim inspired bagpack that I saw at Nose store this week, I cannot wait ! 

 So there you go . See you in the next post !

XOXO

-ami-

Comeback Post

How I missed blogging. Blogging used to be my daily routine , but then I started college and stopped writing. Now I'm back and hopefully will make this my daily routine again because I still remember how passionate I was into writing!

So . I graduated fashion school and now slowly starting my career in fashion. Will continue my degree next year insyaAllah and pursue my dream to become a fashion lecturer. For now , I'm a kindergarten teacher , temporarily , seeking experience LOL .

For this comeback post, I'd like to write something bout myself... 

My full name is Siti Aminah but my 'social' name is Ami Jim

I turned 24 last February .

I'm half African half Malaysian . My dad's from Mali and my mom's Pahangese!

I've two younger sisters and three brothers .

I studied fashion design at IFTC Fashion Academy and was once studied business management at different college for one and a half years and then stopped cause I couldn't stand maths!

I love fashion , korean drama , and cute guys !

I have a mild OCD. 

I love making friends where ever I go .

I love Spain . Would love to go and have an adventure there one day , insyaAllah !

So , guess that's it for now. Will reveal more as I'm blogging . 

Love, Ami . x